FAMILY LIFE WITH ANOREXIA
Family life is constantly changing and evolving. Families come in all shapes and sizes and looks different in every single household. Anorexia doesn't discriminate, it can affect any family. Family life with young children is associated with happy and stress-free times but is replaced by upsetting and distressing memories when anorexia enters the lives of individuals. Friendships and relationships become strained and conflicted as members of the family clash as they present different ways to challenge and navigate this illness. Family members often watch with horror while their child or relative slowly gets led a stray by a deadly illness. Family life is disrupted and altered due to the presence of an illness that feels like an intruder in their house and in their family. Eating disorders often result in labelling and diagnosis. But the diagnosis is only given to the individual who presents the anorexic behaviours and symptoms. But the eating disorder is carried around by the people who live in the same environment as the sufferer. It affects the whole family unit. An individual is stripped from their identify and it's replaced by an anorexic one. Families often resort to mourning the person that they once knew as the illness changes their tendencies and attitudes and their behaviours can become unrecognisable. The eating disorder affects the whole family, the struggle is finding the balance between focusing on the one who's affected and addressing and working through the impacts that it's having on family life. Both issues are equally as important and need addressing in treatment.
Anorexia often emerges in young people who often range between the ages of 14 throughout 20s. This doesn't exclude the ways the illness affects the older demographic, it's simply more prominent within adolescents. The realisation that the young person in the family is afflicted by the illness arouses powerful reactions that can destroy the family unit. Families experience horror and feelings of control being stripped away as anorexia takes hold. The realisation is a hard process and will never come with acceptance. It will often cause segregation and the need for understanding that anorexia is now a part of their life. Knowledge enables confidence, confidence which won't be felt as families often have no awareness of what the illness is and how they can beat support and care for the individual who's affected directly. One of the most emotionally devastating illnesses that impacts the entire family is anorexia. Families who are affected by anorexia will be constantly exposed to its deceitful and untrustworthy nature and will understand that it will torment their loved ones, so they behave in irrational and unbelievable ways. One of the most damaging effects of anorexia is trust. As a result of the illness, young people often become very secretive and increasingly hiding thoughts and behaviours the more ill they became. This can cause parents to feel under pressure and may cause them to not trust their loved one due to their worrying behaviours. Overruling a loved one and going against them is often what's needed to keep them safe and protected as well as receiving the treatment they need. Honesty is the way forward. Parents aren’t advised to mirror the individuals’ behaviours and become secretive to safeguard their child, instead they need to understand their child’s distress and what they could do together to reduce it loved ones could enter a vicious cycle whereby the less people they felt they could trust, the less their parents trusted them. It could also lead to more secrecy. Broken trust never helps recovery, it leaves a lasting impact. A relationship only functions when all parties work together, open, and honest conversations work.
Eating disorders affect the family dynamics massively and ruin relationships. They affect those who live on the household as well as extended family who reside elsewhere. Parents are often the first ones to notice changes as they live with the individual, often because they will become more withdrawn and isolated as well as avoiding family meals and may show signs of physical deterioration. Eating disorders like to isolate the sufferer and acts like a poison parrot on their shoulder distancing them from loved ones. Anorexia is often referred to as a friend by a sufferer and families drive a wedge between anorexia and the young person as they force change that anorexia doesn't like. Therefore, being alone makes it easier to ignore parents and be defiant in response to their wishes. Parents may take time off work to care for their child, adjust family routine as well as changing everyday life to suit the needs of anorexia. Because of this disruption and distress eating disorders can cause there is a lot of arguments particularly around mealtimes. Understanding the illness will be hard for parents as they will observe behaviours that they've never seen before and know little to do to help.
It is unique who detects anorexia is present in a family member. It can be teachers, parents, siblings, or can come from the individual as they struggle to cope and wish to not hide this secret any longer. As a parent, a deal of responsibility and need to protect their child is instilled into a parent as they unconditionally love their child. Parents most commonly resort to self and mutual blame and often search for a cause that they will never find. They experience enormous guilt as each examine and depict all that they have done wrong to cause their child struggle in the way they do. All family relationships become stained and conflicted as parents mourn the child they once had as they've been tormented and taken away by anorexia. They often spiral into self-torment as the way that they can help their child is uncertain and they're common sense and rational thinking is clouded by upset and guilt. Beneath all these emotions, there's the negative thought that the child may die or suffer physical complications. They are too invested to see that the illness is in fact nobody's fault and has arisen due to several reasons which may remain hidden. Which is why family-based treatment can be useful and helpful for recovery.
Sibling relationships are always turbulent and consist of harmony, arguments, and repeat in a vicious and unpredictable cycle. Siblings can present both willingness to help their loved one or can be resentful and direct anger and frustration towards their sibling. All of which vary depending on the stage of the eating disorder. Initially, siblings can be known to resent what they perceive to by their sisters or brothers deliberate insistence to lose weight and restrict food because they see it as silly and often don't understand the nature of the illness being mental and not physical. They may be unable to see that physical symptoms are just shining light to a much deeper issue. Not eating is a secondary problem, not a primary one. Reasoning, begging and outbursts of anger and frustration often fall on deaf ears as the self-starvation continues unabated. Siblings often can see the bigger picture of what their family is experiencing and how it's changing to meet the needs of their sibling along with how the illness is destroying it. Sometimes it can feel as though the child's needs are being neglected as their sibling takes priority which can cause anger being directed to both parents and siblings. The struggles often result in arguments and outburst of anger as anger continues to no avail. It's important to remember the positive impact a sibling’s supply can have in helping their brother or sister as they can act as a friend and shoulder to cry on while the eating disorder is bullying them.
When affected by anorexia, you can often feel like you’re in the limelight and all the focus is being put on you and that feeling alone can be uncomfortable it is important to remember that the person affected by anorexia fishy ask for the illness and will often feel guilty for the pain and heartbreak they're putting their loved ones through. Emotions like these can often amount to a feeling of pressure and stress as they see themselves as the issue when in fact it's the illness that's the issue and it's separate from them. Anorexia can play a huge part on siblings as they can often make siblings feel ignored, scared and ultimately worried for their sibling’s health and well-being but not knowing how to show it. Their resentment may come from the feeling that everything revolves around the one who's suffering, on the other hand, the person who's struggling may begin to view themselves as the problem child and feel guilty for creating competition for their parents’ affection and attention. It all comes back to open and honest conversations and good. Communication as what is coming across through behaviour may not actually be intentional. It's often described that siblings feel distant as they don't feel comfortable to speak about their issues of may avoid it as they lack understanding of an appropriate way to respond.
Having the whole family involved and aware of your issues can be extremely uncomfortable and may often cause distress and anxiety. The worry is that you'll be talked about which is an unpleasant feeling. Often masking grandparents aware of the issues that your facing can be extremely daunting as they may lack understanding and clarity on what the illness is. The stigma around this often follows that the bigger the age gap, the bigger the barrier will be to discuss mental health issues and more current problems such as anorexia. This can often result in more flippant comments being made about weight and appearance which can trigger and upset the sufferer. There are some individuals who don't wish to involve family in their car as they feel the best approach is to keep it private, which improves that treatment and recovery is individual for everyone. It’s been recognised that family isn't told because they wouldn't know how to support, they felt as though they couldn't open and be vulnerable with their feelings, they wanted to protect their feelings, or as far as to say that family may have contributed to the development to their eating disorder. Family involvement if personal and requires compassion and consideration. As a family member, it can be very worrying when the family's confronted with an illness. But knowledge is power and the more equipped and clued up they are, the increased change they could help the individual and support them better. This meaning that grandparents and wider family can help caring and supporting the individual when a primary caregiver is unable to be there for whatever reason.
Family based treatments can be extremely helpful in helping a loved one recover from anorexia. It can play a huge role in treatment and has many benefits including, providing support, encouraging honest conversations, provide a deeper understanding of the illness, offer a safe space to have discussions which can't function at home, as well as having professional input who can advise and suggest ways to combat issues. When care and treatment is accessed at home, families need to work out ways to create a happy and harmonious environment which doesn't have room for anorexia. Treatment always has a higher success rate when revived within a community setting, but when hospital is required, family life will alter even further as the individual is away from home. Treatments which are offered both in an inpatient setting and community setting are often similar and require the same level of engagement and willingness. It's all cantered around discussing the issues with dynamics which exist at home and discovering the best way everyone's needs can be met whilst affected by anorexia. They often consist of open and honest conversations to find ways to nurture positive change and development in the family home as well as discussing issues that surround the illness and the effect it has on the family.
Finding what works for your loved ones is the first step to helping. Acknowledging that an issue is present is vital to ensure that no problem no matter how small it may seem is not addressed and dealt with. The process is difficult but possible! Don't ignore the eating disorder, it won't make it go away, but don't be too forceful and demanding as even with anorexia, they're still a person. Try and make them feel supported enough to share how they're feeling with you and not hide their feelings. Try and delve into the illness and really understand it, it will help you a lot when supporting your loved one. Patience when dealing with anorexia is essential, it will throw curveballs and constantly test your resilience and persistence, but never allows anorexia to take over Anorexia as an illness often brands food as good and bad and this will make it difficult for the sufferer to get their own food and prepare it, therefore it may be useful to have full responsibility of food and portions until they're strong enough to choose for themselves. The most important thing is your presence, being there and showing that you care and want them to be happy again. It's so vital to show your genuine concern by being available to listen and speak when you’re needed. It will help break down the barrier that anorexia has put up and allow you to see how the illness is functioning for your loved ones and how you could help fight it. Never pin blames on anyone, it's unproductive and unhelpful. It's all about finding what works for you as a family and most importantly for your loved one. Always communicate your thoughts, and make sure your own mental health is taken care of. Families can knit back together after anorexia and although they may never be the same, they can be once again happy and harmonious.